What is Self-Compassion?
…and why does my therapist always talk about it?
Self Compassion by definition is extending kindness to one’s self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.
According to Kristin Neff (author of Self-Compassion) she has defined self-compassion as being composed of three main elements. Self- kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.
Why is this so important?
We all have an inner critic or inner judge that can tell us things like “you are not good enough” or “you are not worthy” or “you are going to fail”.
After those thoughts come up, it is important to know how to handle them so that you feel in control of the inner judge and not the other way around.
The benefits to practicing self-compassion are higher self-esteem and lower levels of anxiety and depression.
When people can recognize that they are suffering and practice a kinder internal dialogue it decreases anxiety and depression because in that moment you are treating yourself in the way that you would treat a loved one which then creates a sense of belonging and safety within your internal world.
A few things to keep in mind are:
Learning to practice self-compassion is truly a process and it doesn’t become your natural instinct until you actively practice day after day.
Even when practicing self-compassion the inner critic might get loud at times and that is normal. It is what you do with that inner voice that will make all of the difference.
You are deserving and worthy of self-compassion practice even if you do not feel like you are yet.
Some ways to start practicing self-compassion:
When the inner critic comes up, pause and ask yourself “what would I say to my best friend right now?”
In a moment of suffering, what would it be like to acknowledge the suffering without internalizing it? For instance, if you had a bad day at work, can you acknowledge the bad day without beating yourself up over the bad day?
Start by giving yourself a hug, get comfortable with the idea of self-love and self-acceptance even when it feels unnatural at first.
Post positive affirmation statements on your mirror, the home screen of your phone, in your notes section on your phone, or in your journal. Anywhere that you will see them and be reminded that you are worthy.
Self-love is a spectrum, let’s with self-respect and work your way up to love. As long as you are working on neutralizing the inner critic you are already on your way to a kinder internal dialogue. It is also okay to fake it until you make it. Over time, this will become more natural but in the beginning it may feel like a foreign language. That is a part of the process.
